1. Get over the partner that ISN’T the person of your dreams.
Are you still in a relationship with a person that you know is wrong for you? Maybe you have already left and still can’t stop thinking about them? There is a man out there that is PERFECT for you, however, do you think that he will want to be with you if you are sad and hung up on someone that doesn’t make you happy? What does that say about the way that you treat yourself?
Whether you are still with them or have already ended things and still just can’t seem to get them off of your mind, you can start by asking yourself these questions;
- What qualities do I love about this person?
- Am I my ideal self when I am with this person?
- If I knew everything about this person that I know now, would I still choose to have these feelings for them?
In one of my coaching sessions (where I was the Coachee) I realized that it is a common goal amongst couples to stay together ’til death. They want to stay together, through thick n’ thin, because they have been conditioned to believe that if you don’t “stick it out” then you have failed. You can love someone greatly and still not want to be with them any longer. That is perfectly normal! There is no sense in kicking your own ass for moving forward with your life and having the best experience available to you. That is not selfish, that is self-care.
2. Decide how you want your IDEAL partner to treat you.
Take this to the pillow! Allow yourself to sit and meditate on what your ideal mate is like. Get as specific as you can! The more specific you are when you ask for something, the more likely you will be to get the result that you want! This is because the universe listens to the things that you are focused on, and delivers more of it to you! Forget all of the things that you have experienced in relationships in your past. What do you want NOW?
3. Start treating yourself the way that you want to be treated.
How can you expect to attract your ideal mate if you aren’t treating yourself the way that you want to be treated? Are you being kind to yourself, treating yourself like a queen, and only speaking positively to yourself? What does your self-talk sound like? Start treating yourself the way that you would want the man/women of your dreams to treat you. Run yourself a bath, take sexy pictures of yourself, massage your own feet, and leave yourself cute notes! I love to send myself gifts with messages in them like “You are doing amazing! Keep up all of your hard work! I love you!” You deserve absolute happiness and you can achieve that if you start filling your own cup and stop looking for someone else to make you whole. You are already whole.
4. Know that you deserve love
When you begin to fall in love with yourself, you will feel this sense of happiness, confidence, and contentment. When you start treating yourself the way that you expect your significant other to, you will appeal to someone that sees that as an attractive quality. If you are constantly telling yourself that you are not good enough, people will sense that. If there is resistance, you could potentially miss out on making a true connection with the person that you desire.
You will reach a point where you are so happy with yourself and the way that you are treating yourself, that you will feel as if you don’t NEED a man/women, and THAT is when- out of nowhere- the most amazing person you could ever think up will be right next to you wondering where you have been all of his/her life.
5. Don’t settle
I often encounter clients that are fearful of being lonely, so they settle for something they are not happy with. The conditioning that we have had since we were children has been to find a man, marry him, and stay with him until you die, no matter what or you have failed. I have news for you; It’s 2019. You are not a failure if things do not work out. It takes great strength to exit a relationship out of love for yourself and the other person. If the relationship does not make you feel good, then why are you in it? Are you upset more often than you are happy? The only purpose of this existence is to observe and enjoy. You don’t have time to waste on people that do not contribute to your happiness and success.
6. Invest your time wisely
Don’t spend all of your time looking for a significant other to come and “complete you”. The law of attraction plays a part in this, because what the universe senses that you are focusing on- it delivers more of. Focus on activities that will make you a better version of yourself so that you will be appealing to the person that you are interested in being with. Neediness is not attractive. Expressing your needs and wants in a relationship is not what I am referring to when I say neediness. Set your intention and let the seed grow while you are working hard on yourself.
7. Meditate on it
It’s likely I won’t post a blog that doesn’t mention meditation at least one time. This is because meditation is so powerful! Sit on your pillow, close your eyes, and begin to imagine your ideal mate is there with you. How do they look, smell, feel, and make you feel? What are the qualities you love most about them? Get a very precise image of this person in your mind, because the more specific you are in what you are asking for, the more specific the universe will be when delivering. Don’t become attached to the image of the mate you are envisioning, this is simply a guideline to getting closer to knowing what you want.
8. Set your intention
Take the time to set the intention that you are going to find this ideal mate, and approximately when it will happen. Do not become attached to this idea, as that will cause suffering. Just imagine them, write about them, mention them to a friend, and wait. No need to stress or worry. Focus your attention on evolving into a better woman than you were yesterday so that when they find you- they are able to experience your truest self.
9. Ditch your shitty break-up story
It is understandable that you spent a lot of time with your ex and that is all you felt like you knew, but if you can’t stop talking about them and all the stupid stuff you did in your past- it is likely that the perfect mate isn’t going to be interested. No one cares about your baggage. You are the only on that is in control of your happiness, and focusing your attention on the past is not the way to grow and evolve. When you are focused on the past you are giving your mind a reason to be anxious. Talk about your future plans and dreams, something new that you tried recently, or a place that you would like to try.
10. Make love to yourself
Another one that I feel should be mentioned in all of my blogs- Masturbate! This topic has so much stigma or secrecy around it. I had friends most of my life that I did not feel comfortable talking about my sexual experiences with. This was difficult for me being an open and passionate person. There have been times where I was literally thinking “I am going to be single and lonely forever, and no one will ever meet my needs”. “Whoa is me”, right? Then, I make the loving decision to please myself and everything is fine! I go from feeling like the world is on top of me, to feeling like I am on top of the world. I am blessed to have friends that I can discuss these things with, and if you do not- I highly recommend acquiring at least one.
11. Imagine you already have him/her
You can choose to live your life upset and sad because you are lonely waiting for someone to come save you, or you can pick yourself up, and take care of your own life. You are fully capable of doing everything that you want to do with your partner, without them. If you want to go to the movies, go to the dang movies! If you are unhappy with the way that things are going without a significant other, how do you know that you will be happy WITH them? You must flip the switch of acceptance and go with the flow. Live your life the same way that you would if you had someone in your life that you love. Eventually, they will organically fall into the position.
12. Speak them into existence
Tell your close friends and loved ones what it is that you are looking for. Talk about them as if you know for a fact that they are real and they are PERFECT for you. If you have doubt in your mind about the fact that the perfect mate exists, the universe will question if you are even ready for something like that. You must stop resisting the natural flow. If you can dream them, they can become a reality. Talk about how things will be when you find them.
13. Choose your friends wisely
Pay attention to what your friends are saying. Words are more than just words. Words are vibrations that create feelings. If your friends are putting you down, or not positively affirming the desires that you have, why are they your friends? There are people that have the same morals and values as you, and they will reassure you that everything you want is possible, because IT IS! Same as finding a mate, you don’t want to settle. You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with. Do you want to be like them?
Before traveling solo I had no idea who I truly was. In my travels, I met so many incredible people and had so many prodigious experiences that changed my journey forever. If you are in the same town doing the same thing on repeat, you are limiting your life experience. Exposing yourself to new activities will open doors for you to realize what you are passionate about it. When you are in flow with the universe and not resisting, you meet a vast amount of people that seem to be placed there just for you. It may seem like the universe or god put them in your way for a reason. In your travels, pay close attention to who you meet and what their mission is. You don’t ever meet anyone by chance.
15. Invest in yourself
When you resist the natural flow of things, you cause yourself more suffering. You are being called to do something better for yourself, or you wouldn’t be reading this blog. It is time to start making moves. When you start going with the flow you will begin to make progress. If you are looking to level-up, you must begin attending the local events that are related to the growth that you are looking to experience. There are meetup groups, Bumble Bizz, and many FaceBook groups where you can find workshops, seminars, and Life Coaches. You’ve already started taking steps in the right direction by reading this, why not set up a free consultation to see if a coach is right for you?
I am already impacting the lives of many women. I am accessible to you now. Are you ready to start making life-changing moves? Let’s get to work! Email me now to schedule a time to discuss where we will begin your journey of transformation.
As always, if this blog impacts your journey in some way, please don’t hesitate to share! Sharing your story may help someone else to better understand their experience. Let’s make kindness cool!
Shoutout to Unsplash.com for all of the help with my pictures in the early stages of blog development. I look forward to sharing more of my personal photos with my readers as my collection advances.